Parent Trap
by Pop Culture Redux
Summary: When Renesmee Cullen and Jemmalie Swan went to Camp Inch they never expected to find their other half. Crazy antics ensue as they try to reunite their parents. Cannon couples.


Disclaimer: In case you were wondering I don't own the rights to Disney's the Parent Trap or Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. In fact I own no part of anything anyone has ever heard of.

So, so sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I will update VERY soon and I haven't forgotten about the story. I am quite ill most of the time and so updates will be sporadic at best. I have some minor tweaking to do to chapter two and unless I have to go to the hospital again I'll post it before new years. Lol.

The Parent Trap

EmPOV Apartment in Greenwich Village, Seattle, Washington

"Shit Jemma! Get down here right fucking now or you'll miss your god damn flight!"

"I'll be there in a minute! I can't find Hypnotoad! I WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT MY HYPNOTOAD!"

"Come on sweetheart don't do this to Uncle Emmy I told your mom I could handle this! She'll fucking kill me if I don't get you to there on time and I'm too fucking young to die!" Bella's scary when she's angry!

"Keep your pants on Em there is no fucking way in hell that we'll be late." She put up her hand to stop any protests. "I set all the clocks backwards two hours last night so this wouldn't happen. For realz. We'll be fine I won't miss my damn plane and mom won't kill you. She won't even know what happened."

"Not even about the ice cream I let you have for dinner?" I challenged.

"If you don't tattle on me about my fucking potty mouth you've got yourself a deal. I can't afford to lose any more fucking money to the god damn swear jar. I'm going to be in debt for life as it is."

"Deal. Now what do we always say?"

"What fucking happens at Uncle Emmy's stays at Uncle Emmy's." She intoned.

"That's my girl! Now get your shit and lets go!"

BellaPOV Dish D'Lish, Juno International Airport, Alaska

As I promptly regurgitated my burger into the complementary napkin I can't help but reflect how this restaurant title is misleading their food is not in fact 'delish.' It is quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever put into my mouth and that includes Mike Newton's three inch dick.

The waitress Flo, I believe her name is, was looking at me in what I could only describe as disgust. As I was left gasping for breath by the vitriol they try to pass off as food at this establishment I couldn't find it in me to care.

My phone started to ring as I was washing the taste out of my mouth with the only non repellent thing they serve in this dive; coffee. Without having to be asked Angela picked it up for me.

"Hey Jemmy-bear! Yeah, Bells and I will be on the next flight out. UmHm. Yeah you too sweetheart. Ok. Yeah. Love you too honey. Alright, here's your mom. Bye." Jemma. I can't believe I agreed to let her go to camp for the summer. I must be going batty in my old age. Still it's not like she can get into much trouble with my brother there. She must be going soft only putting up a token of protest when I suggested Emmett stay in the little town right down the road from Camp Inch for girls.

"Hi Honey. How did it go at uncle Em's?" I wish not for the first time that I hadn't got stuck here in Alaska so that I could at least see her to the airport like we'd planned. I'm going to miss my baby!

"Great. We ate pizza and watched a movie before going to bed early." I could practically smell the steaming pile of bullshit through the phone. Seriously, does she think I was born yesterday?

"Is that code for 'I stayed up late ate ice-cream and played Halo?', because that is much more believable than what you just said."? It seems like just yesterday I was pulling this crap on my own parents. I should give them a hug for letting me live through my childhood.

"I refuse to answer on grounds that I might incriminate myself." Gotta love her though. She's a brat but she's my brat and I love her for it.

"Cute. Real cute." Sigh. "I miss you baby. Behave yourself while you're at camp and please, please avoid cursing in front of your camp counselors or fellow campers if at all possible." Praise be the lord that none of those kid's parents will ever know where I live.

"Of course Momma. Don't I fucking always?" It's times like these that I regret being such a foul mouthed kid.

Karma's a bitch.

RosePOV Heathrow Airport, London

"You know if you want to come home early you can. I'll come get you in an instant if you change your mind baby… even if it's right after you land in America, I don't care, I'll be on the next flight out to pick you up. And don't forget you can call me at anytime day or night…"

"Yeah okay Daddy, whatever you say." Renesemee looks just like her father when she rolls her eyes like that. I smile. The fool doesn't even notice it he's so absorbed in fussing over Nessie trying to find some way to justify keeping her here. Typical Edward.

"Belt up and cut the umbilical cord Edward! Christ, she's almost thirteen and Rose is flying out with her for god's sake! Jane has been going there for the last three years and she loves it! She'll be fine. Won't you sweetheart? Of course you will, now give your Auntie a big hug." Hugly pregnant Alice. Triplets. Hormones. 'Nuff said.

Edward not being a total git for once doesn't rise to the bait and continues to annoy all of us with his incessant mollycoddling. I look over to Jane and we roll our eyes at each other. Men.

"Do you have everything?"

"Yes."

"Vitamins? Minerals? List of daily fruits and vegetables?"

"Yes, yes and double yes."

"Sunblock, lip balm, insect repellent, stationery, stamps, photographs of your aunts, uncles, grandparents, and of course, your dear old dad, me."

"Got it all, I think."

"If you aren't sure we could always just pop back over to the flat and…"

"Daddy really! I'll be fine. I'll be back soon enough and we've already agreed that I could go so there really isn't any reason to try and make me miss my flight. Auntie Rose will be staying in a hotel in a nearby town so if I forget anything I'll just have her get it for me. Besides Jane has already promised to show me around camp. Nothing to worry yourself about. Try to have fun while I'm gone. For me?" Edward worried his lip while shaking his head yes. He's being such a big girl's blouse that I can barely restrain myself from slapping him silly. How Nessie puts up with him sometimes I'll never know.

"Love you daddy." Edward picked her up off the ground when they hugged and for one mad moment I thought he was going to make a break for it but I should have known better. That kid has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. She always gets her way. Nevertheless Renesmee ran to the loading gate as soon as he put her down probably in fear of him changing his mind again. Smart girl.

Edward looked like someone set him on fire. After Bella leaving and taking Jemma he hates to lose any time with Nessie. I can understand where he's coming from but it's not fair to either of them. Nessie doesn't get to make many friends her age because she does everything with Edward and he hasn't had a real girlfriend in nearly twelve years for the same reason. If he doesn't use this opportunity to bang a bint he is a total berk.

"Don't worry Uncle Edward mom n I won't let anything happen to her." He gave Jane a tremulous smile as she hugged him before running off to join her cousin at the departing gate. Gotta love the girl for trying. I have been sending Jane to Camp Inch since she was eleven and the fact that he was still so nervous about sending Renesmee there-as if I would send my daughter anywhere unsafe-was starting to feel more than a little insulting.

"Listen to your daughter. Try to have some fun while we're away. It's not healthy for you to fret over her the way you do. Use your bounce for once and see what you're doing to yourself. You're only thirty for crying out loud! Why don't you stop being a big girl's blouse and get try getting laid for a change." I left Edward gaping like a fish and Alice holding her shaking belly in her mirth, all of us completely ignorant of how much I would regret that advice in a few short weeks.


End file.
